I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
