He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
