Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
