Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
