I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
