Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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