Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
