I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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