You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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