your room smells of hookers.
And success
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
