were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
