I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
