It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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