Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
