Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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