I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
