don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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