Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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