I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
