Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
