I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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