He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
