i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You took a bar mat shot.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
