The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
