I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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