North Korea, Best Korea!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
