Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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