so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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