In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
