Fine. I'll sleep in my office
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
