Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
