what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
