you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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