We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
