no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So. Much. Porn.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
