Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
