I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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