at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
