Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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