you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Quick, to the slutcave!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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