Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
