..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
