Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
