Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We got so high we made milksteak
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
