Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
