His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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