why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
