Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
