i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
