apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
two words: eviction party
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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