Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
