I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
